FAITH @ WORK
#knowyourself #barrierbreakdown #activelistening #findcommonalities #noproselytization #patienceandpersistence #faith #work #faithworks #faithworksconsulting
by Roger Huston, PhD, MPA
INTRODUCTION
In today’s divisive and tribal atmosphere, should a conversation about faith at work be made, and can it be successful? YES! A conversation about faith at work absolutely should be attempted, but it needs to be approached purposefully and strategically. People are looking for a purpose in all that they do, especially at work. And the reason for talking about our faith at work is simple—faith is something within most of us that speaks to our very being—faith informs our holistic worldview, from our core values and morals to our thoughts and opinions on socio-political issues. It is a shame some people feel uncomfortable sharing one of life’s most important facets at work. Being honest with someone about who you are is never easy, and can be messy, but it is worth the effort!
Excluding worship centers, work is the most logical place to live out one’s faith. Work is where you spend the majority of your time each week, besides sleeping. According to some estimates, you may expect to spend a third of your life at work, 13 years and two months of your life at work, or nearly 100,000 hours of your life at work. When thinking about your weekly routine, this amounts to between 34 hours and 37 hours of time spent on work on average each week. Comparatively, the average American only spends 9 minutes per day to 15 minutes per day in religious and spiritual activities. Among those who dedicate more time to their faith, survey results show that only 19% of churchgoers read the Bible daily while only 31% of evangelicals reported spending time on prayer each day. And while there are suggestions for changing our habits on “wasting” less time each day and week, the easiest solution for those inclined to spend more time with their faith is to do so at work.
Work is also where you may have more in-depth personal relationships with your coworkers because of the amount of time spent together and the closeness with which you interact on important projects, programs, and problems. And work is where you can be tested to think and believe differently from those who think and believe differently than you, or you may even become more steadfast in existing faith because of your work interactions. Surrounding yourself among those who think and believe similarly to you, such as at your congregation or place of worship, is not as robust of an environment to challenge our preconceptions or to grow our mindset.
So, fear not if you have not spent as much time with your faith at work as you would like because you worry that work is not the proper place to do so; the objective of this blog is to help you purposely live a life of faith at work!
To more fully live out our faith while at work, we must first discuss how to have a conversation at work about our faith. Over the years, I have had numerous conversations about faith with coworkers. Anyone who knows me well is always amazed at how the topic of faith seems to come up with everyone I meet, even in seemingly random and casual conversations. However, what might seem like just random and casual conversations to some, is actually an opportunity I purposely pursue because I enjoy trying to get to know who people really are and have meaningful, non-superficial relationships with them. And to me, nothing is “more real” than faith.
So how do you start a conversation about faith with a coworker or stranger at your place of work? Or perhaps even scarier, what about having a conversation about faith with someone who is “above” you at work (your boss), or “below” you (your employee) at work? If you would like to start a conversation about faith at work, depending on your organizational culture and the public context, it may be entirely appropriate, and welcome, to share your faith with your coworkers. In my experience, I have found two essential steps and four keys to success when having a conversation about faith.
STEP ONE: KNOW YOURSELF
The first step is to know yourself. Knowing yourself is harder than it sounds, and it includes knowing how others typically perceive you! Among other components of your identity, to know yourself means to know your characteristics and personality, tendencies and temperament, values and goals, and likes and dislikes. If you are aware of these parts of your identity, you can then understand more about how people perceive you. How people perceive you will shape how they interact with you when trying to have a conversation about faith.
I am keenly aware that I can make people uncomfortable with the little bit they know about me, and I have little fear in talking about faith and policy—usually both—at any given time. Thus, I realize that I am different from some people when it comes to talking about faith. I am cognizant of how most people perceive me, and I accept it. I often use my unique characteristics in some self-deprecating manner to lighten the mood and put people at ease. Knowing yourself means understanding when to and when NOT to engage in certain conversations. If you are more aggressive and assertive in the self-representation of your thoughts and opinions, you may need to tone down your approach and become more passive and receptive. Conversely, if you find yourself always trying “people please” others, you will need to work on establishing and strengthening your voice to claim your share of the conversation in order to express your thoughts and beliefs.
STEP TWO: BARRIER BREAKDOWN
The second step is to break down barriers. Despite the many differences people have in the particulars of their faith, most people in the world ascribe to a faith and want to share this part of themselves with others. Therefore, barriers can be broken down between you and others surrounding faith, but it should be done so carefully. Remove any connotations you may have about differences or things that separate you from others when it comes to faith. Breakdown any barriers you may have in your mind about all the things you think are keeping you from sharing your faith. Part of this is barrier breakdown is attempting to loosen the boundaries that sperate you from people. You will need to gain mutual respect with your coworkers, if you do not already have it, in order to establish a safe space for discussing your faith. However, being cautious is also prudent when approaching the subject of faith. Here I view the concepts of “boundaries” and barriers” differently. Barriers are those things that may separate people, either through perception, or protocol, or policy. Be mindful of any work policies on speech that is deemed “unsupported” or any protocols that ascribe “chatty time” as “unproductive.” Boundaries are those things that are meant to establish personal and safe spaces for people. Be ever mindful of peoples’ “safe space” and right not to converse with you about their faith, your faith, or any other topic.
Having fruitful conversations about faith is predicated on obtaining an optimal balance. To be successful when conversing about your faith at work, you need to be careful when removing barriers that separate you from meaningful conversations with others about faith, and cautious about how you try to loosen the boundaries where people feel safe enough with you to talk about faith. On the one hand, although you should never be fearful of your faith when approaching it with others, you must remain respectful. Many people have learned to guard their faith because they have previously been ridiculed, threatened, or attacked when discussing their faith. On the other hand, “faith” in its most abstract sense is something almost all people in the world share, even if it is a different denomination or religion than your faith. You probably have a lot more in common with people than you realize. Therefore, do not be too shy about expressing yourself thoughtfully, humbly, and attentively to others so that people feel they know “the real you.” The following four keys will help you breakdown the faith barriers and loosen the faith boundaries.
#1 Active Listening
The first key to success is active listening. Although listening seems counter-intuitive to talking about faith, it is paramount to having a positive conversation about faith. In a social media-driven world, where we are encouraged to declare our opinions and beliefs, many of us often neglect to listen to what other people are really saying. In such a world, it can become easy to assume and disagree rather than to clarify and explore. For me, I am always actively listening to people about EVERYTHING they are verbally and nonverbally expressing in a conversation. Unless people are in a time constraint and are not looking to engage in a meaningful discussion, they will usually subtly or overtly drop what I call “nuggets of gold” in a conversation. These golden nuggets are pieces of “truth” for that individual that contain insights into their identity. You have to listen to people responsively and become a student of their verbal and nonverbal communication. Again, LISTEN to people—not just hear them—when they communicate. Do not be thinking about what you are going to say next. Instead, it is helpful to ask questions to follow-up with people to show that you are engaged.
#2 Find Commonalities
The second key to success is to find commonalities. You have to meet people in a space where they are comfortable—in either their territory or neutral territory; this is accomplished by being attentive to what you have in common with them. When discussing faith, do not focus on any disagreements you may have with people’s thoughts, beliefs, or experiences. Instead, respond to critical points of agreement; the responses will allow the conversation to continue and to do what I call “building bridges of commonality.”
For example, if someone at work comes in on Monday morning very happy, you could say, “Thanks for bringing such a positive vibe today. Did you have a good weekend?” They might say, “Yeah, the sermon at my church really gave an uplifting message.” In this example, it is important NOT to go to perhaps an instinctual question such as, “Oh, where do you go to church?” Rather, using your active listening skills by demonstrating your desire to know more about the person and what is important to them, you might ask, “What was the message” and “Why did you find it uplifting?” Please be sure, though, not to make the person feel like they are being interrogated as if you are finding fault or areas of disagreement. After they respond, you should reply with something you share in common with the thought, opinion, or belief. If you are unable to think of a commonality right away, do not blow them off, but enthusiastically thank them for sharing. Then think about what they said and dig deeper within yourself to try to find something you have in common with what they shared, and then later express your thoughts and feelings on that topic.
#3 No Proselytization
The third key to success is no proselytization. While it may seem like the opposite of your original intent of why you are sharing your faith, your goal should not be to “convert” others who think or believe differently than yourself. It is imperative and perhaps antithetical to your inherent purpose of discussing your faith, but you should absolutely avoid proselytizing! Not only is this an erroneous way to have a conversation about faith, but if you attempt to advocate or promote only your faith as “the truth,” not only will it just make you appear shallow, self-centered, and close-minded, but it will also likely result in the cessation of any future faith conversations. Evangelization is not proselytization! To share means to give and take—providing the exchange of thoughts and beliefs in an environment of mutual respect. As such, “sharing the good news” is not the same as demanding others to approve your point of view and adopt your faith.
If you wish to be more talkative in your approach to sharing your faith, keep it basic until both parties are comfortable fully sharing their faith. Look for visual cues of discomfort among people you are having a conversation with, such as people avoiding eye contact, attempts to steer away from the conversation back to neutral territory, attempts to leave your physical presence, and verbal and nonverbal agitation or confrontation. I have never had a compelling discussion about faith with someone who did not want to have one. Again, it is vital to create a safe space where people feel comfortable to share their faith openly and honestly in the right environment at the appropriate time. Trying to force any of these parameters unnaturally may have negative consequences, so they are best avoided.
#4 Patience & Persistence
The fourth key to success is patience and persistence. Patience and persistence are linked together because you will need time and effort to grow in your shared experiences. You must continuously work at faith relationship-building—through dialogue, study, and prayer. Your personal faith, and the faith you share with others, will not grow if you let it stagnate. You have to nurture and nourish faith for it to grow.
Having a conversation about faith is an incredibly rewarding and meaningful experience. When people trust you and feel comfortable enough with you to open themselves to vulnerable portions of their belief structure, you should not rush it or spoil it with some ulterior motive. Take time to “get to know” people in this previously unexplored way, and you will gain invaluable insights into the many facets of their identity. Perhaps you will find that you have many commonalities. And equally plausible, you may discover many differences. Regardless of the outcome of shared knowledge and experiences, you will share a closer and common bond with that coworker. And this “faith bond” will make your work more purposeful, enjoyable, and productive because you will have a better understanding of that person.
SUMMARY
Despite the numerous obstacles in starting a conversation about faith at work, as long as you are attentive, receptive, and enthusiastic to converse within emerging personal and professional boundaries, you may begin to cultivate and develop a safe space to have even more rewarding relationships with your coworkers. By taking the two essential steps of knowing yourself and breaking down barriers—through the four keys to success of active listening, finding commonalities, not proselytizing, and being patient and persistent—you can share in a fruitful conversation about faith at work. While being mindful of these two steps and four keys to success will help you encourage conversations about faith, they will also help you grow a more substantive and holistic relationship with your coworkers established on a “faith bond” that is grounded in mutual respect.
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